A tour of the 350-outfit catalogue

The catalogue started as a spreadsheet. It stayed a spreadsheet for longer than is strictly dignified. At one point it had a column labelled "funniness out of ten," which is not a metric anyone should be proud of maintaining, but it helped us cull the weak ones.

The final cut is 350 garments across 10 categories. Here is a short tour, with the asterisks next to our favourites.

Victorian & Edwardian

The founding category. Mourning gowns, Gibson Girl blouses, coronation robes, full bustle dress, Edwardian motoring coats. These are the outfits the whole tool is named after. If you are unsure what to pick, a standard Victorian mourning gown is the reliable baseline — it commits to the bit, it looks correct in almost any context, and it makes the subject appear to be ~35% angrier than they were originally. Bustle dress.

Religious & Holy

Nun habits (three denominations), friar robes, a bishop's purple, Orthodox monk, Shaolin monk, Sikh bana, Buddhist saffron. Dignified. Committed. The nun habit in particular has a way of making almost any source photo look like it was taken at a quiet retreat. Orthodox monk, for the beard alone.

Historical Periods

Tudor farthingale, Regency pelisse, 1920s flapper turned modest, 1950s tea dress, 1970s kaftan. Period-accurate and almost always unreasonably wholesome. Tudor farthingale because nothing says "I am not available" like a hooped skirt wider than most doorways.

Winter & Bulky

Marshmallow puffer, Michelin-man snowsuit, quilted Barbour buttoned to the chin, shearling aviator, full ski one-piece. This is the lazy choice if you want maximum coverage with minimum fuss. Marshmallow puffer, obviously.

Uniforms & Professional

Beefeater, medieval plate armour, Victorian deep-sea diver (brass helmet and all), hazmat suit, beekeeper, astronaut, full surgical scrubs and cap. The deep-sea diver is the one we tested most during development because it is funny every single time and also completely covers everything including the face, which turned out to be a useful edge case to handle. Deep-sea diver.

Absurd Mascot

Inflatable T-Rex, giant banana, full-body sumo fat suit, teddy bear onesie, walking hotdog. This category exists because halfway through building the tool we realised we needed one category that was pure comedy. It is the most-selected category on the free tier by a wide margin. Inflatable T-Rex.

Cultural & Traditional

Kimono, sari, Scottish Highland dress with kilt and sporran, Bavarian dirndl and lederhosen, full Welsh costume. Included with care and with the caveat that they are worn straight, not ironic.

Fantasy & Fairytale

Jedi robe, wizard with stars and moons, Disney-adjacent princess gown, full knight in plate armour, elf ranger cloak. Wizard, because the stars work on literally every background.

Grandma & Frumpy

Floral housecoat, granny cardigan, beige twinset, quilted tabard pinny, cardigan over nightie. The saddest and funniest category. Quilted tabard pinny.

Sports & Safety

American football pads (full set, helmet and all), hockey goalie, cricket whites, fencer's plastron, motocross leathers. The football pads are the most aggressive coverage option in the entire catalogue — there is literally a helmet. Football pads.

The ones we cut

We wrote and then deleted: "chainmail bikini" (not modest), "mime outfit" (too sad), "full Hazmat underneath a tuxedo" (too specific, also did not render well). The catalogue moves on without them.

Pick one and see →